Sweet summer time? More like sweet family time.

This year i have probably taken one of the biggest steps in family, friends, maturity and growing that is obvious even to my own mindset. I feel like i've grown a foot in the person that i truley am & i've got to do things this summer that really helped me find myself. (sounds cheezy right, well shit it happened, if its happened to you i'm sure you'll understand.) I just graduated from highschool as i've mentions a few times in my previous blog and a majority of my friends and peers at school took a little vacation away from town but most came back for one last hoorah and go round with some partying. I on the other hand took a whole new take on this for my mind, soul and family. I decided to take off for about 45 days starting out in Virginia where I was born and where my father lives with my step mom & three awesome brothers. Before I left on this trip my step dad & i sort of had a heart to heart talk or moment an what stuck out from it was one thing he said "your going to be gone most the summer & when you get back your going to be different, i won't but you will." I remember sitting on the couch thinking thats bullshit i'll still be me, well what can i say my parents are always there to prove me wrong IVE CHANGED. If anything this trip has sort of been a life changing experience for me. As i look back in time i'll begin to tell you that when i was seven years old my parents split up which left me somewhat confused and not sure as to what was going on not to add me being so young also. Ever since than I have lived with my mom on the west coast which has become my home basically. My MOM on the other hand well i can't even begin to explain the person she is to me, my best friend, hero, role model & just in all the only person that i completely and fully look up too. Whereas my dad on the other hand our friendship has been at a distance in a father role, in a friend role and in a as a father figure to me, but that doesn't take away at all the love that i do have for him because he is infact my father.  But, i can say a man that has come into my life an took it upon him to really change my life for nothing but the better because he was simply a good person and really cared. That man is my step father & i don't know what my mother or i did that allowed this somewhat of an angel to be sent to us BUT THANK YOU, i can never say that enough. He's taken it upon himself to give me and my mom a life that i can not be more than thankful for no matter how much of an attitude i spit to them somedays. But i truly am a spoil royal pain in the ass. but they sure do love me to the end of the world. He has pushed me through schooling which i didn't always put my all into, it was a constant fight for me with my struggles in math i hated sitting down to do the homework but they sure did make me, & hell that was a fight. I kinda slid through on my classes a lot, until the end of my junior year when it was like everything was real, COLLEGE is coming, CHANGE is coming and real life is about to hit me. He constantly encouraged me to do great and be the best i can be & thats when it was time to change and prove to them something. I turned myself completely around while kids were doing the senioritis stuff skipping, sleeping in, slacking to no end i was BUSTING MY ASSS & well while some of my close friends got called in for too much skipping saying that if they didn't stop they would not be graduating my ass ended my high school experience with a 3.8 the highest GPA i have ever accumlated and on top of that I GRADUATED not something i really saw ever coming but i did know i would accomplish. & thats where this whole trip started & back to where my biological dad comes in. Living with my mom and step dad and seeing that side of the family i really did never get exposed to my dads side of the family & what the hell did i know that this summer i would truly be finding where i come from. Where the strong outspoken mindset is grasped from & why i'm becoming the WOMAN (wow, i'm becoming a woman) i am today. I've got to see that you can try as hard as you can, put in all the time and effort with some of the people you lvoe but they aren't always going to show the love back in the way that you want. & that right there is my father, he really is a kind man, very giving, a BIG heart & definately the man that i have so man like qualities considering well he is my father. But our relationship isn't always gum drops and rainbows, but we do really butt heads & I can't tell you how much i've always wanted to have be a daddys girl & grow up with a relationship so strong with him but you can't always have everything you want, but shit we only live once i won't give up even tho my rope is only so long. (Thanks step dad for all you do just to have that one on one relationship with me) I've never really thought of it like this but from what happened THAN, than as in when you and mom got divorced i think i still hold some anger an hurt built up in my heart because sometimes i lash out at you with anger that i don't know where it comes from even though a big mouth and stubborness really does run in our family. When i look around at my friends and their familys there parents are all together, they have a mom & DAD in the same house they get to make memories as a family & flying across the country isn't something that it just accostomed to them it talking with dad in the living room or running upstairs to hangout with their mom. I've always envied that & wondered what it would be like to have a life like that but than i think to myself NONONO look how strong i am today, look at the opportunities that god has given me & look at the step dad that i got out of the whole deal. SHIT IM SPOILED AND SUCH A LUCKY CHILD.Me and my biological dad butt heads on some things that are really things that you look back and think, why the hell did we just fight. But i tell myself atleast hes made the effort at keeping me in his life and being in mine. Atleast we have a friendship that somes kids don't even get with either of their parents. Another thing that really always kills me is distance, when the hell are they going to invent teleporters or some shit, forget all these 3D tv's and stuff i want to see my distant family right when i want to see them not spend 1000 dollars on a ticket or well that someone else buys me just so i van fly to see them for a few days when i could teleport back and fourt every other day getting more time with my loves. But guess that time hasn't come yet, THATS why i'm strong (oh yeah). An with distance comes the fact atht i don't always get to be around my brothers that are at the ages of  17, 7 & 6. And well for all them its a crucial age, i'm missing everything their experiencing, all the memories their making, how much their growing, watching my younger brothers play in football or get that goal in their soccer game and just seeing how awesome and much ass they really do kick lol, as much as it hurts me not being there for them i also see how much it would break my moms heart if i left her as me being her only child! I'm her everything i know it and its easy to seee & i'm glad ive see it young so i dno't take for granted any of the time that i really get with her but its so so so precious. ( i should probably call and remind her of that after this post, but right now i'm on a role). As i'll take a second to admit and sound cocky i have a huge heart just like the rest of the people in my family no matter how many differences we have. I will go to the ends of the world for a good friend, i will be there for you to the end, you can hurt me once and chances are very high that your going to get another chance, my rope with people doesn't burn easily or quickly enough and sometimes thats what hurts me. & thats why i've found that putting too much constant time into friends that don't stick around is not something i need to focus on because i'm about to make a ton of those in college, well hopefully not a ton but just a few strong ones! So many people overlook the friendship that i have here to offer them and they take it for granted and move on quickly but i'd probably be the girl that you could call in the middle of a crisis and id be there in a heartbeat and hard enough to say, i think i need to stop that cuz i can't do everything i'm not spiderman (which by the way i just saw in theaters and it was flippin sweet) and i can't save all my friends little worlds an bullshit problems. BASICALLY FAMILY IS EVERYTHING. As i get ready to leave Virginia i got sad because most likely its going to be a year before i see my brothers again they'll be another year older, another foot taller, and a little bit smarter, funnier, crazier and well anything! But i have to go cuz i got my own life thats begining to start and take on a new role!! (its pretty awesome i must say, cuz its only what i make it). I arrived in big ole Texas to see my oatmeal (hey a kid can't pronouse aunt mel when shes young, don't hate) and uncle jay who i haven't seen in a few years & i was quickly welcomed into my loving aunts arms who we both were so happy to see one another and it was an automatic comfort like i had just seen them yesterday & quickly memories from my past rushed right back. As the next day came my aunt & i we were the first to wake up, stinky boys haha sleeping in, not to say that i don't love a good past noon sleep in! lol. But while they are getting rest me and my aunt were able to sit, talk for a good i'd say couple hours about anything, everything and nothing & it was quickly reazlied by me that i'm not a lost soul out on the west coast with personality traits like nobody in my family but quite frankily a tiny spitting image of my crazy aunt & the good crazy i must add. In a way i wanted to cry (shit am i going to right now) but because i know where my outgoing, outspoke, strong, crative and will comes from i'm like her and it was infact really good to know that the side of my family through my dad whom i didn't always have the best relationship with well i do have traits with them & they really are infact MY FAMILY! all mine, i coulnd't be more thankful (let me say that 2305924986340 more times) AND MORE. As i look at my little cousins I see my younger cousin such and smart and insightful dude and only 11 years old WOW, 11 i'm having a conversationg about egype and the apocolypse and how there definately more hidden tombs and someday hes going to find them, shit maybe i'm really related to a famous future to be discoverer or something! But than i look back and myself and see my drive, motivation, love for the idea of politics, current problems history and all that and think wow me and my 11 year old cousin have something in common but on different level and diffent ideas of what and who we will be. Than i look at my older cousin well older than his brother, 15 and i see and funny, smart, caring, happy, outgoing and think wow thats me too & somewhat like my dad with a very stubborn personality and big attitude. But i see that in myself too attitude, stubborness, big mouth, but smart, funny, outgoing, talkative, caring loving and whatever else. Wow i'm connected to these cousins a hell of a lot more than i thought i was. And finally i look at my aunt and uncle as a married couple & see how happy, crazy & funny of a couple they are and how strong and loving their relationship with one another is and i can't do anything but hope that i someday will have a marriage just like theirs! you guys really are an inspirations to me along with my mom and step dads marriage which seems so great to be in for them! In all i've taken this trip to heart and its going to stay close to it FOREVER, i know i will remember it i know i will think of it and i know that i'll always be glad that my senior summer i chose to spend it with my family over friends. And as i go back here in a few days, back to washington, back to my life, back to reality and back to the new somewhat new me i know that i will be moving out in a few weeks, starting my journey as a determined inspired student set out to change our world hopefully just a tiny bit & i look back at everything i've gained this summer, all the friendships or familyships ive got close to this summer and think THANKS its only that i am the strong girl wait woman maybe i am today! I hope you enjoyed this post anybody who really read its cuz its relaly something deep and close to me & i think i will look back on it, forefver. Everybody in this post i love you all so much and you really don't know what you've done and changed for me!! summer 2012, your one to remember. <3